Season 4 Genesis 39:11-18 (Lauren Mosley)
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Last night, I had a newborn stay the night for the first time in 6.5 years when my own daughter was in that new baby newborn stage. I had high hopes that we would all get a great night’s sleep, maybe losing an hour or two. Last night, the baby woke up every 1.5 to 2 hours nonstop. This took me back to those dark, quiet nights when Aria, for six months straight, would wake up on the dot every 2 hours. Where Emanuel and I were so sleep-deprived and exhausted that we were in survival mode. last night, I thought, “And this is why I never want to go back to this stage again!” Selfish thinking on my part: my sleep is more important than bringing godly children into this dark world.
Nevertheless, I persisted. I now know the extreme importance of tending to a newborn's needs and how it can impact them for the remainder of their lives, their sense of the world, and their relationships with others. I didnt dare miss a coo, grunt, cry, or whimper. So there I was every 1.5 - 2 hours (x-apple-data-detectors://embedded-result/978) in the depths of darkness, trying to figure out what this precious blessing needed in that moment, making sure I did it with care and love even with sleep in my eyes.
Erik Erikson developed a fundamental theory on developmental stages; he believed that each stage was a consistent flow of growth to the next stage, which was either met or failed. Each stage layered on top of what was learned in the previous stage:
Stage 1 - 0-18 months - trust vs. mistrust - since the infant is utterly dependent, developing trust is based on the dependability and quality of the baby’s caregivers. If the child successfully develops trust, the child will feel safe and secure in the world. Caregivers who are inconsistent and emotionally, rejecting contribute to the child developing feelings of mistrust, resulting in fear and a belief that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable. In this stage, Erikson believed that children develop a sense of hope with a healthy wariness that danger may be present.
Stage 2 - autonomy vs shame and doubt 18 months - 3 years - children are starting to develop a little independence and explore their world around them. When caregivers allow the kids to make choices and gain control, they help the children develop a sense of autonomy.
This stage has a huge focus on potty training. Learning to control one’s body functions gives the child a sense of independence.
Other important aspects is allowing the child to select or have a say in food choices, clothing, toy preferences, etc.
Children who struggle or are shamed for their accidents may be left without a sense of personal control.
Success in this stage leads to feelings of autonomy; failure results in feelings of shame and doubt.
Stage 3 - initiative vs. guilt 3 - 5 years old - success in this stage = leads to feeling capable and able to lead others—failure left with a sense of guilt, self-doubt, and lack of initiative.
Stage 4 - industry vs. inferiority - 6-11 - success - children who are encouraged and commended by parents and teachers develop a feeling of competence and belief in their skills.
Those who receive little or no encouragement from parents, teachers, or peers will doubt their abilities to be successful.
Stage 5 - identity vs confusion - 12-18 years old - develop personal identity and sense of self. Success leads to a person being able to stay true to who they are, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.
Those unsure of beliefs and desires will feel insecure and confused about their future and self.
Stage 6 - intimacy vs isolation - 18 - 40 years old - young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation.
This stage covers the period of early adulthood when people are exploring personal relationships. Erikson believed it was vital that people develop close, committed relationships with other people. Those who are successful at this will form enduring and secure relationships.
Successful resolution or completion of this stage results in a virtue known as love and is marked by the ability to create lasting, meaningful relationships with other people.
Each step builds on skills learned in the previous step.
Stage 7 - generativity vs. stagnation - 40-65 years old - Adults must create or nurture things that will outlast them often by having children or creating positive change that benefits others.
Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. Building lives focused on career and family.
Those who are successful at this stage feel they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community.
Those who fail to attain this skill will feel unproductive and uninvolved in the world.
Stage 8 - integrity vs despair - 65 to death - during this stage, people reflect on their lives and are either ready to face the end of their life and death with a sense of peace and fulfillment.
Failure leads to feeling fearful and regretful that their lives will end and that their entire life was wasted and despair. Those who look back and feel proud of their life and accomplishments will feel proud and have a sense of integrity.
So here we were, baby and I, in the still of the night, me wishing I was sleeping and baby probably wishing she had a different caretaker!
Yet there was something so precious and intimate I felt last night that I had forgotten about. During those late night hours, wishing and praying Jesus would rock this baby to sleep, I heard my Papa's voice, and he spoke to me what I needed to say today, all for His glory.
Something seemingly so small can cause great disruption and/or great joy and undeniable purpose. Those two things are often intertwined and cannot be one without the other.
He brought my mind to Zully. How Zully acting out of her own sin, pain, self-esteem, and worthlessness caused great destruction upon Joseph, Potiphar, and probably the entire household. She nursed her sin and lived within it. She protected it, nurtured it, and tended to it, not allowing the coat to be anywhere but near her side, a depiction of self-preservation and determination.
Joseph is doing the right thing yet gaining the wrong results. Potiphar being blamed but the manipulation of “bringing that Hebrew slave in to rape me,” the wrong becomes the justified in the twisted sin that was created and acted upon. Yet here comes God, in His glory, knowing this would happen and allowing it to, all so Joseph could go to prison, be shown favor again, and be used in a mighty way.
The seemingly small interaction between Zully and Joseph turned into a massive disruption.
I wonder if Zully felt shame or guilt later on?
I wonder if she was able to se Gods hand within it all?
I wonder if she eventually gave her shame and guilt to God and allowed Him to free her from it, use it for good, and help others.
Did she allow god to comfort her so then she could comfort others?
We may never know. We know Joseph did.
Although the immediate outcome of obedience, trust, and integrity did not get him the result he probably hoped for, in the end, he came out on top, glorifying God and being used in mighty ways, heart softened and full of forgiveness and grace just like our Jesus.
So I am brought back to these developmental stages from Erikson; what “stage” is your season in?
Are you in a stage where your needs need to be tended to by our God, trust is being learned, and mistrust is being dissolved?
Are you learning autonomy and courage to step out into the world, knowing who holds the world, or are you fearful because that trust in God was never grown?
Is your identity solidified as an image bearer, child of God, royalty? Or is there confusion and doubt with who you are and whose you are?
Are you contributing to the kingdom of God, the purpose God specifically created for you, or do you have shallow involvement within your relationship with God and God's people?
Do you look back on regret and feel despair, or are you like Joseph and see all the tribulations as an honor that God trusted you to navigate through correctly?
What developmental stage do you need to go back to? To relearn WITH Jesus instead of without Him?
Do your mistakes, sins, bad decisions, and those harmful things done to you by others bear good or bad fruit?
Can you use them to help others, or do you hide them out of fear and shame of ridicule or rejection from others?
What developmental stage are you at, and are you failing or succeeding within it?
We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
So as the darkness of night became the lightness of day, my heart melted over this precious baby entrusted to me during this season; no matter how long this season may be, a few weeks, a few months, or a few years, only God knows but I had a choice—gratefulness or complaining. Embracing the gift and purpose or rejecting it.